(shy face) Hi.

[Lovestar]

[CENTER]Hey, this might be a little more emotional / TMI than the usual intro here. So, sorry in advance if I kill the mood or something.[/CENTER]

(deep breath)

Wow, so, okay. Like... even one year ago, I probably would have died IRL just imagining posting this. But I guess I'm changing a lot lately, and I really just don't care anymore who recognizes me, who 'finds out', or what FBI Watchlist I am now automatically subscribed to.

I also have to admit I actually didn't register here for the content — it's lovely, but ironically I was just trying to find a functioning DL link for Slave Maker 3, lol. "There's one at 'Futanari Palace'? Uh, okay, no clue what that is, but I like futa and I like palaces, so why not?"

And then yeah, my world abruptly turned sideways.

Why I'm bothering you

visual cleanliness

It's weird — I've seen plenty of stuff like this on other sites like DA, FA, erotic games, etc. But it always feels like a blip, an afterthought, like "Hey, that would be kinky"... something that gets thrown on the pile for 'good measure' or completeness, but not really emphasized or idealized — always the 'freakish option'.

Realizing that there's people who actually prefer this, and even find it beautiful / desireable, is very O_O for me.

Confusing. Surprising. Both in a nice way.

But yeah. Something about the atmosphere here just feels really... hmm ... laid-back? Accepting? Open-minded? And also kind of like the people here can be relied on as an Encyclopedia Kinkographica, sexually-enlightened on a level beyond the well-meaning (and not-so-well-meaning), oblivious, plain-vanilla dopes I'm surrounded by IRL who can't wrap their heads around anything beyond [COLOR="#EE82EE"]PINK[/COLOR] | [COLOR="#0000FF"]BLUE[/COLOR].

What I am

visual tidiness

Uh, that's actually what I'm trying to figure out.

I'm trying to avoid going TMI in an intro post, but to TL;DR, I'm very 'between genders' IRL, both physically and emotionally. I have many conflicting features to my body, emotions, and sexuality which often seem to directly contradict each other. I'm constantly struggling to suppress/delete one side or the other so I fit a nice, tidy pink or blue box.

Basically, I've been assuming for a long time now that I have two choices if I want to have any hope of being accepted or loved by anyone: guy, or girl. I can pass as either gender, and I definitely prefer girl if forced to choose (and have been living as one for a while now).

But 'girl' honestly isn't entirely comfortable for me, either.

What I'm asking

visual niceness

For a while now, I've been forming a lot of questions about what's right for me & my body. And I've been struggling to sort it out on my own, since I don't have much hope for useful feedback where I'm located IRL.

And then, suddenly — I stumble into you guys.

So, I'm posting to ask for help from more enlightened minds, to sort out what I actually am and what's right for me. I'm wondering if there are any kind and/or patient souls around here that are willing to help an IRL femboy / T-girl / genderqueer (take your pick, they all apply to some degree) sort out where she actually belongs in the socio-sexual order.

And also, if anyone can kindly help me find the right place for discussing this ... group chat? Personal chat? PMs? Forum thread? Somewhere else entirely?

Sorry if this whole post sounds kind of lame or outright idiotic — I'm a little overwhelmed, my head is kind of spinning right now, haha. Honestly, I'm also very shy and naïve. But this is sincere, so hopefully it came across the right way.

Big hug & TY to anyone who takes the time to read this and advise me what to do or where to go next.

[Sakura-chan]

*waves and offers muffins* welcome to FP

[lucyfer]

Hi lovestar, welcome to the forum!
there are a lot of public sections for talking about "different kind of things" around the forum hope you find your way.

thanks for being honestly,
hope you enjoy the forum n__n!

[Lovestar]

Hey guys, sorry for the delayed reply, I'm always really busy/taking on too much work. >.<

So, haha, I guess from the tone of some people who PM'd me, that this thread apparently came across really confusing. I apologize for that, I tend to be very wordy.

Hmmm, let me try to condense it down and see if that helps. I suppose I had about 3 main goals:

1. Say hello, because that's polite, right?
   
2. See if there's anyone enlightened / knowledgeable around here who can help me figure out what's right for me as a person, beyond the current standard boxes of "Guy" (cis or trans) and "Girl" (cis or trans). I feel like I'm something that's not quite any of those things, but I don't know quite what that is because I'm a little naïve and sheltered.
   
3. Ask for any directions or tips on where a good place is to chat / socialize / ask questions in a more open/accepting community, either around here, or any suggestions for other places.
   

Hopefully that's a little easier to read / understand. :p

Anyway, TY regardless for the warm welcomes. When I can find some spare time, I think I'll say 'hi' and 'thanks' more properly by sketching up some futa art pieces to post — I've never done this style of erotica before, but it's perfectly hot so I'd like to try.

[The Guardian]

Welcome!

[Lovestar]

Hey guys, again TY for all the friendly PMs / visitor messages, I'm just replying here as a quick kind of 'group message' hopefully everyone sees.

Again sorry for the delayed responses, I have seen all your messages, I've just been really busy (as always :p) but I will reply to all of you as soon as I can.

[Miyafuji]

Welcome to FP Lovestar ^.^