Hey, this might be a little more emotional / TMI than the usual intro here. So, sorry in advance if I kill the mood or something.
(deep breath)
Wow, so, okay. Like... even one year ago, I probably would have died IRL just imagining posting this. But I guess I'm changing a lot lately, and I really just don't care anymore who recognizes me, who 'finds out', or what FBI Watchlist I am now automatically subscribed to.
I also have to admit I actually didn't register here for the content — it's lovely, but ironically I was just trying to find a functioning DL link for Slave Maker 3, lol. "There's one at 'Futanari Palace'? Uh, okay, no clue what
that is, but I like futa and I like palaces, so why not?"
And then yeah, my world abruptly turned sideways.
Why I'm bothering you
It's weird — I've seen plenty of stuff like this on other sites like DA, FA, erotic games, etc. But it always feels like a blip, an afterthought, like "Hey, that would be kinky"... something that gets thrown on the pile for 'good measure' or completeness, but not really emphasized or idealized — always the 'freakish option'.
Realizing that there's people who actually prefer this, and even find it beautiful / desireable, is very O_O for me.
Confusing. Surprising. Both in a nice way.
But yeah. Something about the atmosphere here just feels really... hmm ... laid-back? Accepting? Open-minded? And also kind of like the people here can be relied on as an Encyclopedia Kinkographica, sexually-enlightened on a level beyond the well-meaning (and not-so-well-meaning), oblivious, plain-vanilla dopes I'm surrounded by IRL who can't wrap their heads around anything beyond PINK | BLUE.
Uh, that's actually what I'm trying to figure out.
I'm trying to avoid going TMI in an intro post, but to TL;DR, I'm very 'between genders' IRL, both physically and emotionally. I have many conflicting features to my body, emotions, and sexuality which often seem to directly contradict each other. I'm constantly struggling to suppress/delete one side or the other so I fit a nice, tidy pink or blue box.
Basically, I've been assuming for a long time now that I have two choices if I want to have any hope of being accepted or loved by anyone: guy, or girl. I can pass as either gender, and I definitely prefer girl if forced to choose (and have been living as one for a while now).
But 'girl' honestly isn't entirely comfortable for me, either.
For a while now, I've been forming a lot of questions about what's right for me & my body. And I've been struggling to sort it out on my own, since I don't have much hope for useful feedback where I'm located IRL.
And then, suddenly — I stumble into you guys.
So, I'm posting to ask for help from more enlightened minds, to sort out what I actually am and what's right for me. I'm wondering if there are any kind and/or patient souls around here that are willing to help an IRL femboy / T-girl / genderqueer (take your pick, they all apply to some degree) sort out where she actually belongs in the socio-sexual order.
And also, if anyone can kindly help me find the right place for discussing this ... group chat? Personal chat? PMs? Forum thread? Somewhere else entirely?
Sorry if this whole post sounds kind of lame or outright idiotic — I'm a little overwhelmed, my head is kind of spinning right now, haha. Honestly, I'm also very shy and naïve. But this is sincere, so hopefully it came across the right way.
Big hug & TY to anyone who takes the time to read this and advise me what to do or where to go next.
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