A little help from my friends

Hi all

As some folks here know I've removed my stories from the net because, well to be honest they suck. Since I have a form of dyslexia trying to repair them on my own is a daunting task. I'm hoping that with the help of others my favorite story can be repaired to a level that is neither uncomfortable for the readers nor embarrassing for me.

So let's start

Here is the initial chunk of exposition.

The Dreams of Ameria Brooks

Ameria Brooks is coming back to Sperati Academy, a new type of school for a new type of person. Their motto is not just advertising. There are new types of people about, the results of a gene carrying retro-virus of unknown origin. Its results however are less difficult to discover, they are everywhere most commonly a third sex with both sets of working sex organs and a greatly enhanced sex drive. Both government and private foundations are setting up projects to find ways to keep these changes from ripping the social order apart. Sperati Academy is one of these a mixed protected environment in the form of a high school/college complex that includes a high proportion of the new people with enough of the old to see how they interact.

And here is my first attempt at a rewrite.

The Dreams of Ameria Brooks

Ameria Brooks is coming back to Sperati Academy.

"A new type of school for a new type of person."

Their motto is not just advertising. There are new types of people about, the results of a gene carrying retro-virus of unknown origin. Its results however are less difficult to discover. They are everywhere. Most commonly a third sex with both sets of working sex organs and a greatly enhanced sex drive. Both government and private foundations are setting up projects to find ways to keep these changes from ripping the social order apart. Sperati Academy is one of these. A mixed protected environment in the form of a high school/college complex that includes a high proportion of the new people with enough of the old to see how they interact.What have I done wrong? What have I missed? What should I do instead?

I hope several folks here will be willing to help me get this story into shape so I can repost it.

Thank you everyone, for your attention.