What A Peach (56k warning: All Chapters)

I posted this story originally on the 0bsidian forums. It got moved around on several other sites, babblababablalba... and here it is for those who want to see it again or for the first time.

What a Peach, part 1

by Auyvex

Ed was a young Mushroom Kingdom soldier who had been serving in the

Kingdom for the past several months now. His mission was to protect the

Kingdom and to serve the jobs handed to him. Very rare was he sent to

escort the King or be sent into battle; As a fairly new guard, he had

been given simple tasks, such as keeping guard at the front gates, or

sending out messages to Mario. His work had been minimal and boring,

and he gained quite tired of the process. He would've quit his position

easily, if it wasn't for the good payment that he received. He had

never been given the job of guarding the King's quarters or Princess

Peach's home. Usually, these positions were given to more experienced

soldiers.

However, Ed was soon given the duty to look after Peach for a week. The

King had to take a trip to Mole Mountain to discuss matters with their

King about a number of issues. Because Bowser was rumored to be hiding

out within the area, the King had employed most of his troops into the

region, and was bringing Mario and Luigi with him, in case of a

desperate situation. The King had left Peach at her home in the guard

of five soldiers, including Ed, in case Bowser's soldiers would go

after her. Ed was sent on all-night patrol. From 9 PM to 9 AM, Ed would

guard in various locations in her residence, such as the courtyard, her

living room, her bedroom, and so on, changing positions within an

hourly basis. He thought it was stupid. Bowser hadn't attacked the

Kingdom in years, and his army of Koopas were a bunch of dumbasses,

anyway. Even so, he knew he had to protect Peach from letting her

'secret' get out in any way it could.

Peach had been born in an unusual way. She had a full penis, with balls

and everything, and no vagina. She had developed breasts later in her

life like a normal girl, but her penis stayed the same. She wasn't a

boy or a hermaphrodite, either; Doctor's tests showed that she had the

same chemicals and body system that any girl had, except that she had

testicles and that she couldn't get pregnant. The King was very wary of

who knew this and who didn't, as one small slip could cause an outburst

within the Kingdom's report unit. Soldiers had sworn to confidentiality

for her own safety, and were banished if suspected of being outside

sources. Not even Mario had known about her secret, and the King was

keeping her as asexual as possible when it came to him. The King had

told Peach that he wouldn't let Mario marry her until he felt that the

time had come for him to know. Ed always found that funny, since Mario

was one of the biggest perverts that he had known, and that the plumber

was dying to jump Peach's ass at any moment. Bowser had never known,

since he was never interested