What A Peach (56k warning: All Chapters)
Story by Auyvex
I posted this story originally on the 0bsidian forums. It got moved around on several other sites, babblababablalba... and here it is for those who want to see it again or for the first time.
What a Peach, part 1
by Auyvex
Ed was a young Mushroom Kingdom soldier who had been serving in the
Kingdom for the past several months now. His mission was to protect the
Kingdom and to serve the jobs handed to him. Very rare was he sent to
escort the King or be sent into battle; As a fairly new guard, he had
been given simple tasks, such as keeping guard at the front gates, or
sending out messages to Mario. His work had been minimal and boring,
and he gained quite tired of the process. He would've quit his position
easily, if it wasn't for the good payment that he received. He had
never been given the job of guarding the King's quarters or Princess
Peach's home. Usually, these positions were given to more experienced
soldiers.
However, Ed was soon given the duty to look after Peach for a week. The
King had to take a trip to Mole Mountain to discuss matters with their
King about a number of issues. Because Bowser was rumored to be hiding
out within the area, the King had employed most of his troops into the
region, and was bringing Mario and Luigi with him, in case of a
desperate situation. The King had left Peach at her home in the guard
of five soldiers, including Ed, in case Bowser's soldiers would go
after her. Ed was sent on all-night patrol. From 9 PM to 9 AM, Ed would
guard in various locations in her residence, such as the courtyard, her
living room, her bedroom, and so on, changing positions within an
hourly basis. He thought it was stupid. Bowser hadn't attacked the
Kingdom in years, and his army of Koopas were a bunch of dumbasses,
anyway. Even so, he knew he had to protect Peach from letting her
'secret' get out in any way it could.
Peach had been born in an unusual way. She had a full penis, with balls
and everything, and no vagina. She had developed breasts later in her
life like a normal girl, but her penis stayed the same. She wasn't a
boy or a hermaphrodite, either; Doctor's tests showed that she had the
same chemicals and body system that any girl had, except that she had
testicles and that she couldn't get pregnant. The King was very wary of
who knew this and who didn't, as one small slip could cause an outburst
within the Kingdom's report unit. Soldiers had sworn to confidentiality
for her own safety, and were banished if suspected of being outside
sources. Not even Mario had known about her secret, and the King was
keeping her as asexual as possible when it came to him. The King had
told Peach that he wouldn't let Mario marry her until he felt that the
time had come for him to know. Ed always found that funny, since Mario
was one of the biggest perverts that he had known, and that the plumber
was dying to jump Peach's ass at any moment. Bowser had never known,
since he was never interested