Rules of writing erotica (humor no story)

http://www.asstr.org/files/Authors/srb/www/

Just a little humor. If you post any suggested new rules in replies, you hereby give up ownership to it. Not all rules will be accepted. List isn't finished, but I'll get around to it sometime.

Rules of writing erotica

1. Reply

2. There is always someone reading who’s not replying

3. Just because you write it doesn’t mean they read it or paid attention

4. TL;DR

5. F5 only refreshes the page, it doesn’t add replies

6. Take the page views and divide by 50, if you have more replies your doing good

7. Always reply to replies

8. Bump never hurt

9. Read other’s stories…to advertise yours in the reply

10. Post it on as many sites as you can for more replies

11. Writing it takes 10 times longer than reading it, yet they spend 10 minutes looking at it and want more

12. Don’t write yourself into the story…unless you’re super badass

13. If you write yourself into your story, make sure you have/take the biggest dick, get all the cool catch lines, screw the best chicks/futas/dudes, save the day, and have absolutely no weaknesses whatsoever. Unless it’s a tragic past, or inability to decide which gorgeous chick to screw.

14. Don’t write fanfiction

15. If you write fanfiction, do it badly, otherwise no one will take you seriously

16. If you write fanfiction, make sure that all of the characters act completely batshit insane and nothing like their normal persona

17. Whatever you do, don’t have sex in your whole life before writing sex stories, that way when you have someone with a 3 foot dick fuck someone up the ass you won’t get how that would be impossible

18. Nobody ugly or overweight ever has sex

19. Every girl/futa has at least DD breast size, except for lolis who have C cup or bigger

20. Anal sex never needs to be lubricated by anything other than spit or the occasional vaginal secretions

21. Condoms do not exist

22. Condoms wouldn’t work or be used if they existed

23. Phrases like pooper and wiener give your story credibility

24. Women always want sex, and always want any kind of sex

25. People almost never kiss or make out before sex

26. Foreplay involves rubbing a vagina a dozen or so times before sticking it all the way in

27. Plot can be there, but it’s not important.

28. If the plot is important, make sure there’s sex in the plot

29. Let people know if there is sex in the chapter, so they can skip it if not

30. Don’t bother doing any kind of spelling or grammar checking.

31. Don’t bother having it beta read, it’s just some jerk who wants to steal your ideas

32. Make your sex more extreme, and include things that don’t go together well, like lolis and shitting dick nipples

33. Never ever plan on finishing a story

34. There is porn of it, no exceptions

http://www.asstr.org/files/Authors/srb/www/