Bargain Basement Magic Lamp

By Honey Moon

Susan saw a glint of metal at the bottom of the old box. She dumped it out onto the floor of the basement. “It looks a lot like The magic lamp from that Disney cartoon.”

She gave the tarnished brass a playful rub with the sleeve of her ever present hoodie as she sang softly. “You ain't ever had a friend like me.” She froze when the lamp vibrated in her hands. Smoke poured from the little spout like opening. The smoke took on a shape, and that shape was decidedly humanoid.

“Oh fuck!” Susan cried as she dropped the lamp and scrambled for the stairway leading back up to her late grandmother's house. “Oh fuckin' hell! I didn't drink that much...Did I?”

“I am the Djinn of the lamp.” A commanding voice called out. “Wait a minute. Let me rephrase that for those who tuned in late. I am the genie of the lamp!”

“That's just a little too Hollywood!” Susan shouted as she grabbed the banister and made her way up to safety. Or so she hoped.

The darkly attractive woman floating above the lamp gave a sigh. “Why do you twentieth century types always panic?”

“Twenty-first century!” Susan corrected.

“Oh, well pardon me!” The magical apparition said in a snooty voice. She snapped her fingers and a smartphone appeared in her hand. She looked at it, before sending it back into oblivion. “Not even twenty years into the twenty-first century. Big deal. Do you think that's a long time? I've been living in that brass one room efficiency for over three thousand years.”

“Are you really real?” Susan asked timidly.

“Oh, let me think.” The dusky beauty tapped a finger to her temple in a pantomime of deep thought. “I think, therefore I am, you mortal twit!”

“Hey, no need to get nasty, Miss no legs!”

The apparition looked down at herself. “Blast, I always forget them.” She crossed her arms and gave a sharp nod of her head. The trail of smoke from her waist condensed into very human, and VERY shapely legs as she settled gently to the floor.

Susan crept back down the stairs. “What are you doing in my grandmother's stuff?”

“Oh, you must be the grand daughter of the redheaded little trick that found my lamp a few years back while scuba diving the Mediterranean after her husband ran off with his secretary. Dear Hilda sure needed a vacation after seeing your mother off to boarding school.”

The genie looked Susan over very carefully. “I see it plainly now. You're that skinny little brat I had to hide from every summer your mother sent you to live with your rich grandmother. You do look a lot like her now, but with bigger tits.” She raised an eyebrow in obvious appreciation. “MUCH bigger tits.”

“Hey!” Susan cried, crossing her arms over her ample chest self-consciously. “You have no room to talk!”

“My human form certainly pleased dear Hilda.” The genie said with a saucy wink. “The little minx did so like a curvy playmate.”

“Whoa, wait just a minute! My sweet little granny wasn't a nasty lesbian!”

“Of course she wasn't.” The genie laughed. “You modern types would call her bisexual.”

Susan sighed. “Whatever. I hate to tell you, but she passed away last month.”

The genie smiled sweetly. “This, I know. She's having such a good time in Paradise that I was able to slip away when you rubbed my lamp. Stars above, you should have seen what she was doing with Martha Washington and Rin Tin Tin last night. I very nearly blushed just watching!”

“Rin Tin Tin?” Susan gasped. “Don't talk about my granny like that!”

The genie laughed. “Martha was begging to be mounted when dear Hilda distracted Rin by kissing his

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