Barb's Burger Joint (futa/female, futa/male, futa/futa, female/male)

Story by jokermon

A longer-format multi-parter (hell, call it a short novel), set in the Comet Seahag universe. Enjoy!

Barb’s Burger Joint

A story by jokermon

This is a work of erotic fantasy fiction. It contains explicit futanari (hermaphrodite) content. If that's not your thing, or if reading this type of material is unlawful where you reside due to your age or whatever, don't read it. This story is copyright © 2015, the author. This story is solely intended as fantasy entertainment for adults only. Please enjoy it responsibly, and please do not repost without permission.

Chapter 1 - Welcome to Red Bank, Motherfucker (futa solo)

When I was in high school, I worked at a local grill called Barb’s Burger Joint. Corny name, I know, but it holds a special place in my heart. If you lived in Red Bank, New Jersey back in the seventies, chances are you either ate there or scored weed there. With a name like the 'Burger Joint', it was inevitable the place would become a waypoint of the local pot culture.

That's how I got my job. One afternoon in ‘76 I went to buy an eighth from a friend of mine in the back parking lot. He never showed up, but the owner did, and she and I got to talking. It started out with me explaining why I'd been loitering out back for over an hour and ended with me agreeing to come in for training the next day. I guess she took to me.  

The person who ran it was, in fact, named Barb. Barbara Sofia Rafaela Gustavo. She was a short, chunky, amiable third-generation Jersey-bred Italian-American lady to her toes. She always sported a purple kerchief over her unmanageable black mane, a clean white apron and an unlit cigarillo in the corner of her mouth. That stub said a lot about Barb. I never saw her blaze it up once in all the years I worked for her. When I asked her about it, she answered succinctly, “Grease fires.” That was Barbara Gustavo in a nutshell: she looked like a typical Jersey goombette, but there was more going on than met the eye.

And not just in terms of her personality. The day she hired me, she sat me down in her little office and told me straight out that she was what they called Hag-bred back then.

~~~

You don’t hear much about Acquired Xenogenic Andromorphism these days. Even by the mid-seventies, the Soft Plague had just about faded from public consciousness, like an old sitcom you hardly see in reruns anymore.

Comet Seahag was discovered by the Lovell Observatory in the late thirties. The astronomer Edwin Hubble named it, saying its greenish body and long white trail looked like the flying head of some monstrous witch. It was supposed to pass Earth on a close trajectory, but still miss us by a more-than-safe margin.

Well, it did miss us, but by much less than the eggheads predicted. A heady cocktail of crystallized protein chains and other bizarre space stuff peeled off its tail into Earth’s atmosphere—right above the central continental United States.

That space stuff played merry hell with the DNA of a lot of young girls, one of whom was Barbara Gustavo. She and about two million other girls contracted Seahag Syndrome, or AXA, between nineteen forty-five and seventy-five, when the last recorded case, or emergence occurred. Teenage girls would go to sleep normal and wake up with big male parts in addition to their regular female ones. They weren’t shy about using them, either—their condition tended to make them uninhibited sexual powerhouses—but you can look up all that stuff online. Suffice it to say Seahag Syndrome had a huge social and cultural impact on mid-twentieth century America. Marshall McLuhan called it the Soft Plague and the moniker stuck. Before Barb, I’d never met one of the emergent (or Hag-bred, Hag-born or dickgirls as they were less politely called), but I’d certainly heard of them.

It was rare in New Jersey. When Comet Seahag did its fly-by, the Midwest and Great Plains states got most of it. The Atlantic and Pacific coasts were almost untouched. Barb won the booby prize. She was the only girl in Red Bank’s history to wake up with a cock and balls. This happened back in sixty-two, when she was fifteen.

~~~

She told me all of this during that first meeting. “I need to know this is not going to be a problem for you,” she said. I told her I was fine with it. I meant it too. I couldn’t care less what Barbara Gustavo had in her pants. I only had eyes for girls my own age. I later learned everyone who worked there got the same talk when they were hired. That, and her one-strike-and-you’re-out policy regarding stealing.

For some reason, Barb liked me. Four months in, she made me a shift boss for the cooks. That promotion came with a nice raise as well as tons of useful experience in the day-to-day r

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