*GURO* The Debreasting of Haruhi Suzumiya (exactly what it says on the tin)

The Debreasting of Haruhi Suzumiya

by SleepingSword

Tags: Exactly what it says on the tin. Ok fine, it's cons and hetro, y’know in addition to the whole debreasting thing the title mentions.

WARNING: This story contains scenes of explicit violence and gore and is not for the faint of heart or anyone without a sick sense of humor. The Debreasting in the title refers to a 16-year-old girl having her breasts removed in a bloody way, with Kyon providing humorous narration all the while.

Reader Discression is advised.

Also possible mild spoilers.

I also want to point out that I wrote this story purely for Teh Evuls and not some kind of hatedumb.

Look, seriously if you don't want to read about Haruhi getting her tits cut off hit BACK now srsly.

As soon as class end I headed over to the Literary Club room as I do every day. I was looking forward to a productive afternoon of not doing my homework by playing Battleship with Itsuki, all the while sipping Ms. Asahina's tea and staring at her in her maid's outfit wishing I had the courage to make a move. At least until Haruhi shows up and starts sharing her ridiculous ideas with us to which I respond with hilariously snarky thoughts. In other words a typical weekday afternoon.

I knocked on the door and heard Ms. Asahina's soft voice telling me to come in. Only I didn't. Instead my knock was answered by the demanding voice that could only belong to the SOS Brigade's fearless leader Haruhi.

"Kyon, is that you? Get in here already!"

She's already here? This can't be good. With a groan of pre-emptive annoyance I open the door to see Haruhi sitting in front of the computer her face beaming. As usual Nagato was sitting quietly in the corner reading a thick hardcover book.

"I told Mikuru and Koizumi not to show up for today's meeting. I figured Yuki could stay though. Hey lock the door will ya!"

For a moment I feel a pang of disappointment at not getting to enjoy a cup of Ms. Asahina's tea today. Then it hits me that when Haruhi has that look on her face the lack of hot tea will be the least of my problems. I sit down at the table with a sigh. What is it this time?

"I've been doing a lot of research on the internet and have come to an important decision."

That our webpage has an appalling lack of content?

"Who cares about that? Content is the last thing people would come looking for on the SOS Brigade's website. No this is much more important than that. I'm talking about debreasting!"

Once I pick myself and my chair up from the floor I ask the obvious question. What the fuck? Even Nagato is looking up from her book at this point.

"