Spoof Guro (crass, offensive, joke-story)

Warning: If you have ever been offended, if you have no sick sense of humor, or are looking for a quality story HIT 'BACK' NOW!

Tags: Guro, Stupid, Infant, No Sex, Spoof, Not Sexual, Crass, Quasi-Racist stereotypes, Offensive, David Hasslehoff, Sick Humor, Dumb Humor, Vore, Feline, Barely Counts as a Story, implied cannibalism, makes ME laugh

Ok there's a bit of a story behind this. A poster on Gurochan has a story idea for a commission. Well the subject matter doesn't do it for me. But because the poster is apparently blind and using software to listen to internets I thought it would be amusing to write a joke story trying to write it to be read by a computer voice the way I would tell it in real life (where I'm told I'm much funnier). Well I guess it worked and he liked it, not as the story he's trying to commission I wasn't trying to do that, but he said it was funny which is what I was going for (hell I would never take anyone's money to begin with).

Anyways I'm gonna edit it a bit (edit out the parts meant to be heard differently) and post it here for anyone with a sick sense of humor to enjoy.

, going back to your original request for a story. I wont write a full story on your subject, but consider this an abridged story. If I were to write the story I would just take this summary that my head came up with in minutes and elaborate for 4 hours or so. My "What Happens After They Cut Off Her Tits" story was basically done in the same way a quick and dirty summary without details but giving you the main fucked up idea.

So anyways I thought about the whole idea of a Lion or other large feline mauling, toying with, and finally eating an infant, preferably guts first, while it screams in excruciating pain. Meanwhile, the mother watches in horror, unable to help as she has been pinned to the ground by wooden stakes through both calves and both arms by some sort of quasi racist bushmen like in Resident Evil 5, who needless to say are watching this ordeal while dancing around singing the opening of 'hooked on a feeling' "ooga chaka ooga chaka ooga ooga ooga chaka" ... damn hearing a computer voice saying that has got to be hilarious.

Eventually the mother gets one hand free by ripping her flesh out of the stake. This leaving a huge chunk of her forearm missing. Then she pulls the stakes out of her other arm and one leg. Needless to say pulling out the stakes leave big bleeding holes in her. The other leg's stake is in too deep and trying to pull it out only leads her to an epic compound fracture... which is to say that one of her forearm bones not only breaks... but a piece of bone is sticking out of her skin grotesquely.

Meanwhile the Lion is done toying with the 1 year old girl... lets call her Sally... and by toying think of the way a kitty cat plays with a toy mouse... only the toy mouse is an innocent blonde infant who bleeds a lot... and the kitty cat has 2 inch razor sharp claws.

She loses at l