Are we friends? Or more. Yuri fanfiction I wrote involving toys.

So I wrote a yuri fanfiction for the anime series Big O. It involves Lesbian sex and toy play.

Full list of everything included is;

Masturbation, cunnilingus, fingering, toy play, sex involving an inserted strap on, comfort, hurt and romance.

I'm looking for constructive criticism. Any reviews would of course be appreciated. Tell me where I can improve or if I was/n't graphic enough. Did I miss something? What could have been better. That's what I'm mainly looking for.

Here is the link; http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8423553/1/Are_we_friends_Or_possibly_more

The third chapter, which will be up soon, is the one containing the bulk of the sexual content.