Virtual Romance

Story by Mr Flannery

"... and that's why you'll never have a girlfriend," my roommate finished as he headed out the door. "Remember what I said, OK, Flannery?"

I nodded tiredly, the way I always did. "Yup, no problem. Thank you for your insight."

Cal smiled, the sarcasm perhaps lost on him. I wouldn't have been surprised. Not a lot of watts, but plenty of volts, as they said. Figures I'd end up stick with a guy like him at college. Kismet, karma... idiot justice, whatever you called it. Cal was too dim to feel annoyed by it, which made it even worse. Cal really thought he was nice, and most of the time he really WAS nice. He was just also infuriatingly annoying. The fact he was handsome, popular, and well-laid didn't do anything to make me feel better

I waved as Cal headed out, probably to meet another anonymous girl for more anonymous sex. I wondered if Cal even attended classes anymore... shrugging, I turned back to my laptop, the only real piece of hardware in the room that was mine. The stereo, the tv, the couch, the beer fridge... all the rest was Cal's. Figured he was wealthy, too, I thought. It's not like his life was hard enough yet. He wasn't even in the dorm long enough to use it very often. Still, if I ever had opportunity to bring a girl back here, it would be pretty sweet, with the couch and the TV and the stereo...

Yeah, right.

I tried checking my webmail but, as usual, the internet connection through the college was being bitchy, and all I could get was the local intranet. I sighed again, and as bored as I was, I figured I'd surf it for a while. It had several sections for students, but most were irritating, or flodded with advertisments, or just downright stupid. Did anyone think the Square-Dancing club needed it's own forum?

I checked the personal I had placed on the local Personals page... anonymously, of course. Still no replies. Oh well, I thought... it's only been three months, right? I have to give these things time. Despondent (my usual state of being these days), I perused the other ones. As usual, most of them were "Guys looking for fuckbuddy", or "Hot babe looking for fuckbuddy". Not his type, either way. There were a few other ones that seemed more thought out, but one in particular caught his eye, a phrase he'd never expected to see at his college...

"More than a girl, I'm a Doug Winger fan!"

No way that could be the Doug Winger he was thinking of.... no way.

No way.

The anonymous username that had been used to post the personal was "WingerGirl". I clicked the link, and kept reading.

<blockquote>"I've been here for four months, and so far I've been too afraid to get close to anyone. I'm not your average girl, and in the past it hasn't helped me with my love life. I'm single, and I'm lonely, but I'm not going to tell you who I am just yet. I am looking for someone nice to chat with on here, to get to know first, and then maybe... we'll see where it goes. PASSWORD: Send me your favorite DW picture!" </blockquote>

I blinked. It had to be a gag, there wouldn't be any DW fans here... certainly not female ones! I checked the date.... yesterday. It was recent!

Well, I thought... this is an anonymous message board. There's not much risk here.... and it would be nice to talk to a girl about this sort of thing, even if it turned out to be a guy (it always did). Still, I had to send a good pic, to prove I was a Winger fan, and not some mindless person replying to every personal there was. I tried to find one that he liked a lot, but wasn't too 'large' or offensive, just in case she was one of the people who only liked the moderately-sized girls. In the end, I settled on the cute girl in the pink bikini.... the hugely overstuffed pink bikini. Definitely one of my favorites... I'd have it as a wall poster if I thought it wouldn't get me beaten up and ostracized.

"Hi there," I wrote. "I saw your personal ad, and just had to reply. I have been a Doug Winger fan for years now, and I never thought I'd be so lucky as to meet a fan here at college! Please find attached a picture to prove I'm a real fan, and I'd love to chat with you sometime."

Hmm... I had to find a way to sign it, that couldn't be traced back to me. Well, there wasn't much for it, I guess! "Sincerely, WingerGuy". Couldn't get much more appropriate than that, I figured, given her username! I hit send, and spent a long minute staring at the screen. It occurred to me too late, as always, that the network people would probably see all traffic, see the picture and my IP address, which might be registered with my name somewhere.

Oh, super.

Well, what's done was done. I had put myself out there, probably embarrassed myself, and the standard rule of "99% Of Internet Women Are Men" did not bode very well... but it wasn't like I was already having the time of my life at college. I carefully erased my laptop's history, shut everything down, and decided to go for a walk. I suddenly felt lik

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