Lamest Xmas story ever...

This piece of trash contains the following:

- Xmas themed genital jokes you might have already heard when you were ten years old

- An elf chick seducing a man

- Bad writing

- Bad narration

- General Stupidity

Anyone who had the misfortune of seeing my previous dumb abomination (which is this, by the way) should know enough to stay away from this latest failure.

...

What?! You're still reading? :o Well, I guess some people never learn. :23:

I sure don't! :19:

David looks at the calendar. His face seems rather sad.

“Another lonely Xmas,” he sighs.

He minimizes the calendar and checks his personal ad.

“Only a few views, and no replies.”

Suddenly, David hears a noise.

He turns to the fireplace to glance.

There stands a tall lady with stunning poise.

She wears green clothes over a figure of an hourglass.

“So,” she begins with a voice that seems to chime about,

“you’re the guy looking for a dominant piece of ass,

but not one that’ll punch your lights out. ”

David blinks. “What?” he blurts out.

He can’t believe someone like her just appears outta nowhere.

His reactions disappoints her, but she doesn’t pout.

“You made you lustful wish public. I can even see it right there,

on your monitor,” as if that was hard to point out.

“Wait,” he answers, “how did you get in here?”

he pontificates as if between cans of beer,

“I can’t believe you can just appear outta nowhere.”

Hey, I already said that, seven lines above here.

“Of course not,” states Ms. Captain Obvious,

“I appeared from the fireplace.”

“Sure, and there’s a sleigh and reindeer above us,”

deadpans David as if slapping her face,

“That fireplace is just decorative. It’s not connected to anything.”

Why he felt the need to explain, I can’t… Well, explain.

“Elf magic, silly boy,” says the green clothed chick,

“ Only Santa needs the reindeer and sleigh, because he’s fat.”

Elf? How did I miss this? Her ears are pointed up like my dick.

Whoops! You didn’t need to hear that.

“W-w-what?!” stammers David, because he missed it too,

“You’re really giving me this kids’ fantasy shtick?!

This is stupid!” No argument here, whichever he’s referring to.

“I was about to start my year-long vacation from the workshop,”

she soothsays, “when I happened to see your wish on Santa’s list.”

It takes David a moment to stop staring at her open top,

and ponder, “Wait, my wish? I thought I posted that on Craigslist.”

“Well,” she answers quick, “who do you think runs that site?”

“Huh?” replies David, surprised by this twist,

as am I. I didn’t plan on wondering about THAT tonight.

“The point is,” concludes the hot elf with the perfect rack,

“I’ve decided to be your Xmas present,” as she gently pulls down her pants.

Dav